A LETTER TO MY 13 YEAR OLD SELF

You will be more beautiful than you will ever realize.  Do not waste a second worrying about what others think of you.  Learn to trust your own intuition it is strong and it will guide you.  This is one of the gifts of being a woman.  You will be courageous and fearless in your pursuit of what is right and what is just.  You are a kind, funny, and compassionate girl.  These traits will grow and develop as you grow into a woman. 

Do not mistake sexuality for power, as this type of power is short lived. Your true power comes from your compassion, tenacity and determination.  Do not mistake physical affection for love.  Love is much more!  Do not seek physical affection in order to feel love or value, as it may compromise the love you have for yourself. 

Love and appreciate the body that God gives you, it will carry you through this life.  Take care of your body, nourish your body and cherish its uniqueness.  Love your curves (really love your curves).  Avoid women’s fashion magazines - they will not nourish your soul and will create feelings of inadequacy.  Do not compare yourself to other women, this is a never ending battle that you will never win.  You are unique.  You are more than your physical appearance. Your body and your appearance are not your value; your loving heart, mind and inner strength are what will define you. 

Being a woman is exciting, you get to share the camaraderie of other wonderful women.  Do not judge other women.  We are all on the same path.  We need to work together and support each other to make the journey a little easier.   Have fun with being a woman, wear pretty, sexy and sometime ridiculous clothes. Occasionally buy more shoes or handbags than your budget permits.  If necessary choose beautiful shoes over comfort sometimes and never apologize for being feminine.  In the famous words of Lee Ann Womack “And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.   Dance....I hope you dance.”

STOP BUYING STUFF YOU DON'T NEED

Simple living is something I’m passionate about as it resonates in such a deep place for me. Unfortunately, my desire to live a more minimalist life is challenged by my troubling desire to buy stuff.  Until recently,  I had been working 60 to 70 hours per week. I literally did not step inside a mall for more than eight months.  The last thing on my mind was spending money, so much so that I didn’t bother banking my salary cheques until one had almost expired (much to my husbands astonishment).  It was not about the money. I was driven by my desire to succeed.  All that being said; I have recently resigned from my high stress job and I’ve had quite a bit of extra time on my hands.  I have gone from spending nothing to wanting to buy every shiny thing I see.  I know this is in direct correlation with my sense of purpose.  I need to feel useful, so I create needs that can only be satisfied (at least in my mind) by spending money.  You would be amazed at how important buying new place-mats becomes when you don’t have a lot to do.  It is instant gratification!  It also seems more justifiable if it is for the household or someone else.  If I personally have nothing to show for my spending, and I did not benefit from it directly, then I can hardly be selfish by spending our hard earned cash.

Unfortunately, when we use stuff to fill a deeper need in our life, it does not matter if you have a little or a lot of money, you cheat yourself out of the opportunity to take care of yourself in a loving and nurturing way.  When you use stuff, it has the opposite effect, it is so inadequate in providing us with fulfillment that it creates more unhappiness, which perpetuates the behavior driving us into a bigger hole.  Slowly becoming divorced from the idea that you are capable of giving yourself what you need. You become dependent on the stuff.  While I’m not quite there yet, I have been in the past.  I  don’t want to be in that place again.  It is so far removed from who I am and what I want or need for that matter.

In December we took our 3.5 yr old son to Disneyland in Paris and the day we were leaving, I asked him what he enjoyed most about Disneyland. He took a moment to think about it and then responded with “jumping in puddles”.  On my quest for simplicity,  I can only hope that I enjoy jumping in puddles again.  Like me you might like to take a moment over the next week and just ask yourself “why am I buying this?”, “do I need this?”, “is there an alternative way to meet this need?”  You may be amazed by the answers.

AGING DISTASTEFULLY

I’m angry that I am 40.  I feel like I’ve suddenly been cheated out of being young.  In your 30s, you are still under the impression that you will not have to face aging for some time.  When you hit 40, there is immediate evidence that you are no longer young.  Friends start talking about bucket lists, and the GP is forever checking your cholesterol.  I have been 40 for the last nine months, and I feel as if I’ve spent that time kicking and screaming and unwilling to relinquish my thirties.  I’m not in denial - I am just mad! 

In the media,  we now hear that 40 is the new 30 or that life begins at 40 - what a load of garbage!  I’ve always been a late bloomer; I started university at 27, had my son at 37.  I don’t think that I’m ready to be 40.  At 40, you are suppose to have achieved something with your life, you should be on the road to making an impact in this world.  I just don’t feel like I’m there yet, or even want to be there yet.  My dermatologist constantly reminds me that the spots on my skin are due to aging.  My short sightedness has improved - apparently due to aging, I’ve been told that I need to keep my blood pressure in check. You are in your thirties living the dream, and then BAM you have high blood pressure, your eyes are deteriorating, and you need to take new measures to avoid dying an early death.  I use to want to be healthy so I would look hot.  I now want to live well to stay alive. I have always suspected that I wouldn’t age gracefully, I secretly hope that I will age disgracefully, wearing inappropriate clothing in my 60s and chasing down fellow widowers in my 80s. 

I could try and adopt a new attitude - ‘it is just a number’, or ‘you are as old as you think you are’, but I’m just not feeling it.  I don’t seem to be able to embrace the aging process. I read a draft version of this post to my husband he thought it was all doom and gloom and hoped for a happy ending.  I suppose the happy ending is that I am 40, and I am alive and healthy. I have a great family, a wonderful and exciting life and with age comes wisdom. I am sure that when I reach 55 or 60 I will look back at 40 and wonder what on earth I was complaining about.(Inshallah)