In my lifetime, I’ve been fat, and I’ve been really thin and a lot of sizes in between. Sadly this has probably been one of the biggest challenges of my life. I say sadly because it has been my choice. I have chosen to equate my value as a women based on my dress size or what the scales say. I have chosen to obsess over this and at times allowed it to consume my every thought. This of course has been a terrible waste of energy, heartache and time. I know, however, that I am not alone. In fact, most women use their physical appearance as a measure of their value from time to time (if not all the time).
As women we often find fault with the media, our parents, men or society as a whole; however this is a choice. We as women choose to diminish ourselves each time we say “i’m not good enough, thin enough, pretty enough”. To be honest, I am exhausted, I can no longer suck in my stomach when I walk into a room, or tell myself that I will do something next month when I have lost a few kilos. “I will live my life when I get to a size 6”. I want to live my life now!
I have recently explored the idea of “what if this is it?”. What if this is the best I am ever going to look? What if I knew with absolute certainty that I am never going to lose or gain another kilo? How would I live my life? This proved to be an enlightening question for me, because if it were true I would take better care of myself, be kinder to myself and probably love and accept myself a little more. I would buy myself clothes that made me feel great today (not when I lose 2 dress sizes).
It is impossible to accept yourself as you are if you are constantly striving for more. It is difficult to have gratitude when you are always looking at what you don’t have. Today as a beautiful and empowered woman I choose to be grateful for my body and my mind. I choose to step into the world valuing everything I have and not everything I want.
