SLOWING DOWN AND REDUCING MENTAL CLUTTER

I really need to slow down. I tend to live my life at breakneck speed. I alternate between procrastination and doing everything at 100 miles a minute. I have always had a low tolerance for slow movers. It brings to mind an extremely slow cashier, who does not seem to have a sense of urgency despite there being 20 people in the line. However, I’m not sure if my frenetic pace is more effective. I have a constant sense of dread in doing something as it requires such effort to put on my sprinting shoes, warm up and prep myself for the race of my life (e.g. cleaning the house). I usually find an infinite number of time wasting activities to prevent myself from having to start the race. When I finally begin, the first 20 minutes usually involves running around the house trying to do ten things at once. Then it’s time for a break, as this energy level just isn’t sustainable. Breaks are my friend; however breaks also give me with another opportunity to consider all the other things I could be doing. Before I know it I have one load of washing that is still in the machine (wet), I have one clean toilet, one half vacuumed living room and five ironed t-shirts, and that is where my efforts end. I am now on my way to the store to buy a new clock for the living room. It is probably safe to say that I sometimes lack direction.

My mind usually also runs at a thousand miles an hour, which allows little time to contemplate or consider anything, so reflective thinking is also out of the question. I am never truly present when I am doing something, as I am always thinking about what I plan to do when I'm finished. Which sometimes leads to feeling totally overwhelmed and I do nothing – the dreaded procrastination.

When I think about slowing down, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I think that I was born with just an on and off switch. There are times when I like the fact that I get things done quickly and if something is exceptionally urgent, I’m your girl! I will work through the night; I will be wide awake at 4 am madly working to finish off the task at hand, of course with the help of no less than five cups of coffee. The problem is I have less control over when I turn the switch on and off than I would like. I suspect that filling my life with stuff to do (or spending time thinking about stuff I need to do) is merely mental clutter that distracts me from what is actually going on in my life. Not unlike physical clutter, mental clutter is really just a self imposed barrier to being real with yourself. If my mind was relieved of all this clutter I fear that I would not be as interesting and my day would not be nearly as important as I think it is.

David B. Bohl, author of Slow Down Fast has listed the following causes of mental clutter

Avoidance Behaviours that Clutter the Mind: Avoiding unpleasant tasks and sometimes piling on additional responsibilities to validate the avoidance.

The Dangers of Indecision: Usually caused by the fear of making the wrong decision.  Then doing nothing creates stress that builds upon itself

Overcoming the Feeling of Being Overwhelmed: When we have too much to do we are frozen and uncertain where to begin – usually caused by an overloaded calendar or large projects.

Reducing mental clutter requires being a little more compassionate with yourself, letting yourself off the hook sometimes. It is necessary to be cognisant of your physical and mental limitations. Be kind to your body and allow yourself to experience the feeling of relaxation. It is important to find pleasure in the task at hand and (even the mundane). I have listed some tips below that may help eliminate some of your mental clutter.

• Take large tasks and break them down so they are smaller and more achievable
• Use some type of time management tool
• Reduce negative self talk
• Write down your thoughts – this often enables you to let go of them
• Incorporate relaxation into your day (don’t wait until you are stressed)
• Don’t be a slave to your cell phone or email
• Stop over scheduling your day
• Ask for help
• Delegate
• Take time for yourself
• Do activities that feed your soul (not just your mind)
• Remember that like physical clutter – eliminating mental clutter creates room for new things in your life.
• Exercise
• Meditation

PURCHASE LESS - LIVE MORE

If I can’t find a lid to a plastic container, I will usually throw the container in the garbage, giving no thought to the time or energy used to create it, or its environmental impact. My father in-law, on the other hand, saves yogurt containers and re-purposes them as food containers. Not because he is a staunch environmentalist, but because he sees value in his yogurt container. He sees no compelling reason for buying a new container when he has perfectly fine yogurt container. My mother would get angry with us if we ripped the wrapping paper on gifts, as she wouldn’t be able to reuse it. Does anyone reuse wrapping paper anymore? (Maybe that is a little strange? Were we the only family?)

 

When I look around my house, there are probably only one or two boxes of things that are irreplaceable. Other than that I have nothing that I value, it’s just stuff. I never purchased it because it meant anything. I most likely bought it because it was on sale. I have spent close to a decade mindlessly buying things that add very little value to my life. I am a gypsy at heart, and I am most content when I just have a suitcase of clothes. I remember that buying a refrigerator seemed like an enormous responsibility. Between the ages of 22 to 32, I lived in 13 different places. I never accumulated anything, and I couldn’t have been happier. I have to ask myself what happened.

 

Why did consuming become more important than spending time doing something you love or with people you love? I think because it’s easy. It’s a quick fix, and it’s easier to believe that material goods define you, as that requires little effort (apart from a few hours at the mall). When you choose to define yourself by how you live your life, that requires work.

 

I’m not sure if there is anyone that feels the way I do, but when I go to a large mall I feel my soul being sucked out. The more time I spend shopping, the more numb I become. I then engage in some fine food court dining which leads me to feeling numb and nauseous, which of course leads to the deep desire for a Starbucks coffee to jolt me back to life.

 

I have come to realize that my stuff doesn’t define me: I am certainly more than that! I plan to stay out of malls and spend more time enjoying the things that are irreplaceable, and that would be Antoine, Pete, my family, my friends and Matilda the dog.

 

“When we try in good faith to believe in materialism, in the exclusive reality of the physical, we are asking ourselves to step aside; we are disavowing the very realm where we exist and where all things precious are kept -- the realm of emotion and conscience, of memory and intention and sensation”. -John Updike

TIPS FOR CONSUMING LESS AND LIVING MORE

• Find a new pastime that invigorates you
• Reconnect with an activity you once loved
• Don’t go shopping
• Value the things you have
• Don’t purchase things you don’t need (even if it’s 75% off)
• Give your time to others
• Help someone less fortunate than yourself
• Evaluate who and what is important to you
• Move your body (mall walking doesn’t count)
• Get rid of things you don’t use, so you can appropriately take care of the things you do.
• Stop trying to keep up with the Jones’ (they are as messed up as you are)
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SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH

SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH, this is a concept that I have struggled with for some time, and I often still do. I have spent my life pleasing others and trying to be pleasing. I have often held back my true thoughts and feelings in fear of offending someone or saying the wrong thing. I would choose words meticulously, in fear of being judged or alluding to the fact that I might be judging someone else. A good portion of my life was consumed with thinking about what I had said and how it was received. There were times where I felt like screaming out what I honestly thought. There were even times where I toyed with the outrageous idea of not smiling when I was sad, or not politely laughing at jokes that I didn’t find funny. However, these were just fantasies; I didn’t have the courage to drop my nice girl facade, not even for a second.

The strange thing is I actually am a nice girl. I try not to judge people, and I am open minded (not in the intimate encounters kind of way). I truly do care about peoples’ feelings and go out of my way not to upset anyone; however, I woke up one day and realised that in an effort to be ‘perfect and pleasing’ I had stopped sharing myself with the world. People weren’t getting to know me. I imagine that I often appeared aloof or standoffish, yet at the same time there was this little voice inside of me that wanted to be heard. I stayed silent because I feared if I connected with people from a genuinely honest place, perhaps they would do the same and tell me I SUCK. When I write that down it really does seem ridiculous, but that was my greatest fear. That I would be myself, and be told that wasn’t good enough.

Fortunately just over a year ago I decided to be unapologetically me and to my surprise the feedback that I have received from people is extremely positive, to my amazement, they still like me! To be honest, I haven’t noticed if people aren’t receptive. I’m no longer that bothered by it as I have come to the realisation that not everyone is going to think I’m great, and I’m alright with that. I would rather people dislike the real me than a manufactured version of myself, which ironically is exactly what I feared.

This transition has been difficult and sometimes I still kick myself for saying yes when I actually mean no or agreeing with something because it’s easier than disagreeing. It is not easy bravely declaring who you really are and what you really think. However, I know for me that it is necessary if I wish to have meaningful connections with others. So my advice is to dare to be you, although it’s necessary to note that it doesn’t happen overnight. Each small, courageous truth you speak will get you closer to being the extraordinarily wonderful person that is you.