I like to do things well (recovering perfectionist) and I was determined to get this whole parenting thing right! Before having children (of course), I foolishly imagined that I would one day be the perfect parent. I looked forward to the day that I could guide my little angel on the right path to success and provide him with every opportunity. I would scoff at other parents that didn’t seem to have their children under control. I knew that thanks to my insight and serious approach to parenting, my little darling would never behave in such a way.
I am now aware that this idea was close to delusional and that I was being a judgmental cow. My calm angelic infant is now in the terrible two phase. My once calm, compliant little munchkin is like a teenager in a 2 1/2 year old body. Today the teacher at his nursery school pulled me aside to inform me that he appears to take pleasure in destroying other children’s projects. She gave me a few handy hints on how to teach empathy. So he is a sociopathic teenager in a 2 1/2 year old body.
In my best attempts to raise my little darling, I have made the decision not to spank or raise my voice to him. I have allowed no violent cartoons and no playing with toy guns. I have spent many hours discussing what is right and wrong (yes I know) Which I still stand by (just my choice), however, to my surprise, my values as a parents didn’t turn him into the perfect child I had anticipated. Predictably he is a perfectly normal two year old. He doesn’t share, and it doesn’t look like he ever will. He pushes other children. He throws tantrums like nobody's business and he is that feral kid running around the supermarket. 75% of the time I absolutely have no control over him. As far as me being the perfect mother goes, Its 6pm and I haven’t prepared dinner tonight, instead; I keep feeding him crackers. He doesn’t have any clean pyjamas, so I will probably send him to bed in shorts and a t-shirt.
I now understand why my mother chased me around the house with a wooden spoon. I now understand why people yell at their kids (like I occasionally do). I wish I had the fortitude to enforce my 30 mins of TV watching a day, but the truth is that sometimes I’m incredibly happy when he is engrossed in TV. I wish I could always be consistent, but I’m a softy who tends to cave more often than I would like. We do whatever works and whatever we have the energy for that day. There are some days that are better than others - sometimes you cook like Martha Stewart and sometimes you get take-out. Sometimes you have the patience of a saint, and sometimes you want to throw yourself under a bus. It is all part of the human experience It has nothing do with perfection and I wouldn’t change a thing!
- If we try to perfect our children - they will always disappoint us.
- If we compare ourselves to other parents - we will always fail as we only see the best of what they have to offer.
- If we use our own childhood as a yardstick - we run the risk of not creating something new and special.
- Be compassionate with yourself - you are doing an awesome job.
- Be compassionate with your kids - they REALLY do try to be good.
- Be compassionate with other parents - they REALLY are doing their best.
- Be humbled by what our own parents achieved - despite their imperfections.
MOST IMPORTANTLY - ENJOY EVERY SMALL MESSED UP MOMENT OF THIS EXPERIENCE, AS IT WILL PASS BY SO QUICKLY.
