Growing up I remember my mother was a ‘good wife’. She was married in 1959 and automatically became a housewife when she had her first child in the early 60s. She was a housewife for 22 years. Life was predictable in my house. My mother dutifully took care of the home, laundry and volunteered for school events. My father spoke to her sternly if one of his shirts wasn’t ironed. There was an expectation that she would fulfill this role. The women’s liberation movement didn’t make it out to the Sydney suburbs in the 60s and 70s.
I knew one thing about the type of women I wanted to be when I grew up, and that was I DIDN’T WANT TO BE MY MOTHER! I wanted to be SOOOO much more. I didn’t want to play that role - NOT EVER! I expected that my life would be more important than that. I vowed that I would never allow a man to expect anything from me. In my house, all chores would be divided equally, and there would be no specific gender roles. I wouldn’t allow this to happen to me.
Looking back, my mother actually seemed to enjoy that role. She took pride in her work. She was good at what she did. She made it very clear that she never wanted to work full time. This of course was unimaginable to me, who saw her as a domestic prisoner.
Fast-forward to 2013 and I have a husband, a three year old and house to take care of. For many years, I have dedicated as little effort as possible to housework. This is partly because there are a million things I would rather be doing and partly because of what it represents to me. Ironically I expect a lot from my loving husband. I expect him to be aware of my needs, a loving father who is present for his son whenever possible and someone with whom I share the work load of running a household with. On the flip side, I expect him to expect nothing. If he expects me to cook dinner he would be a sexist pig and heaven forbid if he was to expect me to iron something. But is this really the wife I want to be or do I want to be a ‘good wife’. I now realize that being a ‘good wife’ really has little to do with gender equality. Being a good wife is creating your own definition of how you plan to contribute to the overall happiness of your family and your partnership with your spouse.
Is being a good wife a bad thing? Trying to be a better wife sounds terribly old fashion, but trying to be more aware of my families needs and creating a loving home environment where we can share our time together sounds like a great idea. Being aware of my husbands needs and being the sort of spouse I would like to have - this will help create the type of family I want. My mother and I may have grown up in different times, however, ultimately we both want the same thing. A warm home, loving family and someone to share it with. I'm pretty sure that I will never be a domestic goddess, but, I do want to be a good wife.
