Acceptance

This week I have struggled with the ability to accept... acceptance, simply accepting what we have and not wanting more. Try as I might, I can not make people the way I want them to be (or need them to be)! Fortunately acceptance resides within us. If we are able to accept ourselves, the good the bad and the ugly, we are also able to accept others as whole human beings. We often require more from our relationships, more material goods and more from ourselves. I used to associate acceptance with mediocrity. I worried that if I stopped wanting then I would stop achieving. However, I now realize that the opposite is true.

“Out beyond ideas and wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field.  I will meet you there.”  - Rumi

FINDING THE COURAGE TO BE YOURSELF

I was going to write a generic blog today with a catchy title in order to increase readership. However after some reflection I realized that this is not why I began to blog in the first place. I wanted to speak my truth. I think as a life coach there is sometimes a temptation to appear as if you have it all figured out.  Well I don't and I want to share some of my misgivings and vulnerabilities in order to help others achieve some clarity around similar issues. Each time I blog it is therapeutic and terrifying at the same time. My efforts to be 100% authentic are sometimes threatened by my desire to please people. Most of the time I manage to resist the urge to please.

Why is it so difficult for us to be sincerely our self. It is difficult not relying on emotional or physical barriers, or use fashion, statement, or status pieces to send a message about who we are (or would like to be). Be strong enough to avoid the temptation of using humor or indifference as a defense. To just be! To be comfortable walking to the store without make-up, to be comfortable saying no if we feel overwhelmed, to be brave enough to accept rejection. Telling someone that we are not ok and that we need comforting and support. It seems so much easier (at least for me) to be stoic and somewhat aloof than be 100% myself. I would love to be able to walk down the road and subdue my negative self talk. Just long enough to realize that people don’t have a strong opinion about how my hair looks or care if my bag matches my outfit. 

Do these issues just plague women or do men sometimes feel the same vulnerabilities? I have noticed that I meet very few people who are truly themselves. It is extremely obvious when you meet these people because you immediately get the sense that you can see their soul. They exude innocence, vulnerability and come from a place of true curiosity. They have a magnetic like pull. You want to be around these people because you suddenly feel as if you also have permission to be yourself. 

I often feel trapped within myself. There is an opinionated, strong, affectionate, creative and sometimes needy person stuck inside that doesn’t get the opportunity to have her needs met, as most people don’t even know she exists. Sometimes disguising this part of myself becomes exhausting. I just want to breath, to truly exhale, although I usually resist the urge. I am concerned that my true self may slip out. 

I urge people reading this to be themselves or at the very least fight the good fight. You are not serving yourself or others by only sharing only part of yourself. Each time you are sincerely yourself, without fear of judgement or rejection, you give someone else permission to do the same.

WHAT WOULD YOU ATTEMPT TO DO IF YOU KNEW YOU COULD NOT FAIL?

I recently read an article about a guy that had worked in the same profession for 11 years and found it utterly boring. However, he made extremely decent money, and he had become accomplished and known within his profession. Year after year he tolerated his work life and year after year he hoped that one day he would find a career that was more fulfilling. He said that most days he dreads going to work (and has done for a long time). 

This story struck a chord with me, as dreading going to work is an area where I can relate. I had one job that I hated so much that I would pray each day that elevator would break down between floors, so I didn’t have to enter the office. 

So why do we tolerate an unsatisfactory work life? Making money is often our first priority and responsibility, and at some time we gradually start to accept that loving (or even liking) our job isn’t THAT important, or believe we are lucky to have a decent job. Starting a new profession is the most terrifying prospect for most people, especially when you already have an established and successful career. People often identify so strongly with what they do, that changing profession may feel like abandoning who they are. The usual thoughts that run through our head are “what would people think?” and “what if I wasn’t as successful?” or “what if I fail?” 

When I was a child/teenager I use to love imagine what I was going to do one day. One of my personal favorites was my desire to be an advertising creative director and drive a Mercedes SL 500 by the time I was 21. It probably doesn't come as a surprise, to know that this didn't happen. I still have so many ideas as to what would be a great job, however, there is one big difference between now and then.  At 15 I didn’t believe I would fail. 

Questions to ask yourself if you don’t love your job:

What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail? 

If someone told me at 18 that this is what I would be doing, would I have any 

regrets or would I have done anything differently?

Does my current job reflect my values?

What brings me joy? 

What am I waiting for? 

What is the best thing that could happen? 

What will my life be like if I do nothing? 

Is loving my job important? 

I know that some people don’t need to love their job in order to enjoy what they do, and some people are satisfied with an ok job, if means that they can spend more time with their family, or that work is just a means to an end. I utterly admire people that are of this opinion, however, I also know that there are people that are going to read this that want more. What they are doing just isn’t enough and they know in their heart that they are meant to do something different. If you can relate to this, ask yourself what would you do attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail?