How much of our own suffering is self imposed. I think I may have been conditioned to believe that suffering and hard work was synonymous. This is reflected in my attitude toward my current career as a life coach. I absolutely love what I do and, therefore, find it difficult to recognise it as work. In my mind, work is supposed to be difficult and unpleasant, only then, is the compensation you receive justified. I’m not sure where this idea came from, perhaps it is my protestant work ethic, or maybe I get a payoff from making life a little more difficult than it needs to be. Sometime later....after some navel gazing...I realise that to my surprise and disappointment, I can sometime be a martyr, and there are few traits that annoy me more than martyrdom. I don’t fall into the vocal variety ‘look what I have done for you and look what I have sacrificed’, I just quietly suffer, which is probably even worse. There is a certain smugness that comes with suffering quietly.
Devoting yourself selflessly to others from my own experience is driven by a desire not to take up space and at the same time, still be needed. If I am to ask for what I want or take the space I need for myself, then I may have to do something meaningful with it. I may need to require more from myself than I currently do. I may just be happier and who know where that might lead :-)
